Reload The Canons!
Storming the Ivory Tower is produced because of the generosity of my patrons. You, too, can become one of these generous patrons by subscribing to my Patreon. For $1 you can read the rough draft of this article which also contains the very rough draft of the next metroid article, as well as the rough draft of next week's article; you can watch the Let's Play for this article for $3. And don't forget that for $5 you can read my most recent article collection A Bodiless and Timeless Persona: Essays on Homestuck and Theme, as well as my previous collections on My Little Pony and on toxic masculinity in superhero media, Neighquiem for a Dream and My Superpower is Manpain.
Alternate title for this article suggested by Zomburai:
"Chozo vain, I bet you think this game is about you"